About Yearly Themes
For the past couple of years, instead of doing "new year's resolutions" I've been doing "yearly themes". The concept of a "new year's resolution" never really struck me as interesting as a kid, because I think I'd mostly hear about it in the adult-responsibility context. Stuff like, lose weight, start a new hobby, move houses. Things that really didn't concern me, and then even growing into my adult responsibilities I was mostly just focused on staying alive and keeping my life in order.
But I think at some point I realized that if I ever tried to do a "new year's resolution", it would either get fulfilled immediately (2018's "release a new album by february") or it would never happen (I'm sure "start a band" was in there somewhere). So I figured that if I'm going to behold myself to the gregorian calendar, I might as well try to make it like a way to encourage me during the variety of actions and decisions that I make in a year.
Anyway, I'm sure someone else has described a more pragmatic way to look at "yearly themes" but this is how I've always thought about it.
About Valerie
Let me introduce you to Valerie.
I've known her since roughly 2015. I met her at Camp Fyrefly, a queer youth camp hosted in Cochrane area. Having her as a friend really helped me maintain some resilience as a trans kid. We'd continue to meet up at the Alex Youth Centre, and get together fairly often. She was my main friend outside of high school, and unlike other non-school friends it was always so easy to go visit her.
Through the years I can only describe Valerie as a force of whimsy. Someone who makes you want to come out of your shell and be silly. She is a giving person, she is capable and clever at tackling problems, she will invite herself to any social situation and find a way to make herself welcome. She's always on top of technology, keeping an eye on the business side of things, and only ever seems to struggle with doing enough of what she wants.
She is also a spontaneous dancer, and studies capoera.
In 2023, when we were waiting in line for Fur-Eh: The Musical, she suddenly started practicing her capoera moves. It was always exciting as a way to see her move around with that kind of fierceness, but in this context it felt second-hand embarassing to see your friend be the only one moving with such fierocity in a public space. It was also distressing, as her feet were kicking up and narrowly grazing other people around her, not necessarily as a threat but in a sort of playful way. Still, it made me worry a lot about what the people around me thought. If staff would intervene and take us out of the line. It ended up being fine, but at the time I couldn't truly figure out what her goal was, I just knew this as a "Valerie" thing to do. I used to feel this second-hand embarassment a lot with all sorts of people that I'd still absolutely consider my friends. I would let them be silly and try to corralle us into making sure we wouldn't get in trouble. My dad told me that was his role in the friend group too.
I really don't know why Valerie started doing capoera dances in the narrow lineup in the con building, but something about this time was special. It dawned on me how powerful you can be in allowing yourself to completely let go, to follow your desires and your own whimsy as they strike. Just do what's natural. I may not have seen Valerie as "in the right" during this moment, but it revealed to me how someone can completely let go of shame. That for me, I didn't have to worry about "appearing autistic" or "disturbing the peace" if what I was doing was not hurting anybody, and I just let my brain act naturally, without restriction. I became much less afraid of appearing strange. I give so much empathy to those I don't understand, so why not ask for a little bit of it back?
With this moment, I realized that next year I should have a very clear theme. When I'm faced with self-doubt, or worries about how others will see me, I'll ask: "What Would Valerie Do?". She's always been a gift to me and anybody she's met, and I think acting less on what other people will think and more on what I want was absolutely what I needed in my life.
Low and behold, I think my 2024 album WANNABE encapsulates this feeling really well. I wish I'd included Valerie's name in a lyric somewhere, but I made sure to thank her in the album credits, as her kind of caring/carefree attitude about others/herself really made me feel like I owe it to myself to show a lot more self-love.
I think my favourite part about this theme is that if the topic of new year's resolutions or goal for the year came up with friends, I'd bring up the theme, but I'd also get to explain what a fantastic person Valerie is. That for a year I was letting her style and attitude be the guide for how I approached problems, and I wanted to share that kind of wonder and whimsy with the people that I'd meet.
So thank you, Valerie, for making 2024 so memorable. ♥